It does not sound strange. I am 63, and sometimes I invoke this feeling to pump a little life into a tough day....still here, did do some good things, can access good moments/memories with a little effort, I worked, I had children, I still have things I want to do....whether I do them or not....we'll see...
Even some of the unpleasant (leave out the truly dark) memories have something to hold. I remember being in the hospital, in school years ago, not being able to feel my body from the waist down, completely panicked, moving on some sort of autopilot, and hearing the instructor describe me as "so calm"...I wanted to put a note in my pocket saying "Don't think I didn't suffer"---the only real thought/feeling I was aware of hours on end was that I was going to die/flip out, and if I died people would say "At least it was quick, and she didn't suffer"----when I had my first real breakdown, I was in college, with no money, had to work, rarely slept, even hallucinated, I had two rules 1] You will go to work 2] You will not go home.
My GPA was 4.0....which made no sense to me.
I became reliant on others not noticing (though I was threatened with being tossed from my dorm for being unsociable...they didn't know I was under the covers wide awake when not in class fighting to stay in the world)---and so the day I thought I was taking detailed notes in class (to avoid the tunnel vision effects, the odd way the room closed in and the voice of the teacher was so far away) and a student two seats away leaned over and said quietly "Go ahead an leave, I'll explain" (this was an older woman who came from the community to take classes) I was freaked out, I looked down and the page of "notes" was just a crazy mess of lines and squiggles. I was years away from figuring out what the hell was going on with me....
but hey, we ARE still here, and we can still talk, care, make a moment's difference.
((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))....i do rant on...ah well, the mind is a mired place