My husband and I read the article together and we will both comment in this reply.

1st thing I said: But I did this. I did this to my husband for nearly 3 years - expecting him to show love through sex and if he didn't want to have sex with me for a night I was offended, felt fat, unloved, and suspicious that there was someone else.

My concluding thoughts: although yes, I still believe the role of what we expect of men in America limits there ability to express, I believe this is also true for woman (although somewhat lessened). As expectations of being equal enters the work area, and the home - the 'tender' emotions have less room, and are considered weak for both male and female. I also believe that more men today are allowed to lean on a strong woman as the sexes become equal.

1st thing my husband said (I typed what he said): But men feel pressured to have sex. For example, in my high school, a lot of times the girls would expect the guy to go to third or even fourth base before the guy wanted to. So that put it in guys brains that sex was expected.

My husbands closing thoughts (which he typed himself): It's actually a good deal for us, expressing tenderness just seems like a lot of extra effort. So for me, I don't feel bottled up, I don't get the urges to express or show tenderness. Maybe some men have more hormones than others, I do not know. What I do know is:: I dislike the feeling that I have to show certain emotions just because others expect it. Like traditional emotions, when someone tells me a relative of theirs passed away, why did they feel the need to tell me? Why do they expect me to show some tender feelings for "their" loss? I didn't know their family member so why would I give a damn about their loss? Shouldn't faking an emotion be worse than showing no emotion at all?

To summarize, we felt the article was based on a psychotherapists perception base on men who were her patients, and not the regular Joe. Also, the fact that the article expressly points out men as having this fault and not suggesting some women do as well is a flaw.

Addition: I really like and agree with what my husband said. I feel that in America cheerleading and showing support is too expected. I prefer honesty. When it comes to 'tender emotions' - for example, public displays of affection- my husband doesn't like them. Again, I thought that meant he didn't love me as much, but I found that actually, it was what society told me I should want (hand holding etc). When my husband looks into my eyes as we talk in the store (or wherever) I see humor, love, tenderness, like, compassion, empathy, anger, annoyance, secret sharing, and sometimes during arguments, the guarding, the veiling, the hiding of emotion if I am attacking he is less readable. The eyes are the windows to the soul - and his soul clearly loves me and he knows I see what his expression is, and it just makes him show me more when he feels safe. He doesn't need to hide what he feels from me because he is accepted for who he is, so his eyes aren't guarded like they were when we first met. My eyes have also become more honest as my being has become more secure in the fact that he loves me, flaws and all, and I can honestly be safe with my true self with him. We can show each other how we really feel without a lot of icing. Its just in a look. Complete trust, and acceptance. I am sure we have sex less then most married couples, but to us - what we have is natural and normal, and doesn't need to be ruled by what society says is normal. This is because my husband had a healthy understanding that sex is not love and taught me not to think sex = love. I was married before, and had sex a lot more often with a man who was abusive and did not love or accept me for who I am. If more people practiced acceptance, and broke free of societal roles, more people would feel safer to show all core responses in a healthy way.