Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
I like the phrase, "saying it in parentheses". I also have trouble telling T directly how much I care about her. It was always, " a part loves you" or something like that. I told her that if she dies I will cry and cry, but not directly "I love you" though I sign my emails love because she does.
When she said "I love you, rainbow" in a session a couple of months ago, I kind of panicked. She means a generic kind of love, not romantic, but it's scary. Yes, there's a lot to lose when "love" is expressed, but there's so much to be gained! A famous quote whose author I forgot is "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
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This all came about because I had a dream where he was dying (that's when I said I cared about him in my dream) and he reassured me yestetday that as far as he knows he is in good health and he has no plans to retire. He also said if his plans changed about retirement he would let me know way in advance. When he was reassuring me I realised I wasn't really scared of that, and it seemed like those fears came from an irrational place, probably a very young place.
I wouldn't change having had this relationship, even if I have to say goodbye to it one day. He's been the most reliable and consistent person I have ever had in my life, and that has been so important for me.