I can sure understand. I'm going into my 7th year with a T whom I now trust less than ever -- although that's a kind of trust, I trust that I can't trust her. Each week go in thinking, "I'm strong enough I don't need this anymore. They've misunderstood and f****d me over, not 'intentionally', of course, for years." With this T I have faced my mistrust of her, and how bad I feel having been f****d over, some by her and lots by others and the general view in society that if you're distressed "go to a therapist". Maybe an immature, idealistic view, but I started with therapy when I was 15, starving myself with an eating disorder, and if I jumped on therapy as a life raft then, who of the therapists have ever tried to help guide me to the "shore" of real life with real people who might really care? Well, maybe the current one a little bit. But now I'm old, awful late to build a life though I may be having a little success (which I don't quite trust) and still hardly know how to speak out about this.

Maybe I feel safe enough in the current T's office to feel how unsafe and mistrusting I (really) feel. So that's something. But, again, it has just taken so long, with so much junk, poor advice, misdirection, and retraumatization along the way that I had no way to recognize.