I feel like I'm in the same boat as you are. I feel like it would be better if I wasn't here. Either way if I live or die, I think I am going to hurt people and I feel like if I wasn't here, at least I wouldn't be a burden to anyone here anymore. I know this isn't helpful though. I'm sorry.

Are you a spiritual person at all? Do you pray meditate? Sometimes it helps me to read uplifting books or watch uplifting videos and movies. I've been recently watching youtube videos with Dr. Raymond Moody and Dr. Eben Alexander who both talk about near death experiences which I find interesting and comforting. I am not religious at all, but I do believe that there is something beyond this physical life we are all experiencing and I think exploring that could possibly be helpful.