healingme4me: I copied your list - thank you. I will look yours over as I review my own. As for my T in this assignment, she wants me to have clarity about what I want first and THEN the evaluation of my husband - as to his capacity as well as his willingness to work on those things where he may not have a well-developed skill set. My T doesn't want me deciding whether to leave just yet.........she has also advised me that I am the one who sets the boundaries about what I can live with. Thanks again for your thoughts!! Much appreciated