"but I feel that it is just carried too far when a person refuses to look at a behavior under the idea that ANY JUDGMENT would be "judging the person" which is entirely not true."

I am not devoid of judgement. Of course I still judge, if my left brain is engaged, I am judging. For instance, when I am present and can see she is being naughty and trying to make me jealous. "Trying to make me jealous" is a judgement. I guess it's just not choosing to act on it in a way that will cause more dissonance and resistance. Instead i let go of it, surrender to it and let me tell you. I feel free!!! It's like I am transcending my fears by choosing compassion, understanding and love. Does that make sense?

"what divine and I think others are saying is that when you are being treated badly you should not allow this and the only way you can be able to understand it is by separating her behaviors from her as a person."

Agree. I feel I have a decent understanding of it. Maybe I am lost in the fog? She suffers and then acts "badly." It's my choice to suffer along with her and engage in the usual battle that would ensue. I agree, with a more emotionally mature person there might be a way to process this verbally and therefore heal. But this is not the case. She can't hear criticism.

I think what I am experiencing is acceptance. I accept her for the way she is. Will I continue to just be ok with her "bad behavior?" I don't know? But for now, in this moment. I feel very good about us. I feel like we are transcending old stories and healing. And sure, there is some pain involved. I personally think we could grow without pain. But we are not there yet and may never be. The future is uncertain. I accept this.

"If you want to help her stand up for yourself or the changes that she needs to make will not happen. Granted, we cannot change another person but there is (as trippin stated) no provocation to change if you do not make a stand for yourself. I won't make a judgment of whether she is right for you but I will agree with others in that she is treating you badly and the "opting out" of judging this behavior is again, enabling her to continue and stunting her growth in the area of relationships."

I did stand up for myself. I walked out on her, abandoned her. I am embarrassed about my behavior. And moreover the not so great part of me came out. And let's face it. It was ugly and all based in fear. But indeed, it got her attention. I not sure if talking about it would have worked. So yes, at this point and unhealthy way to communicate dissatisfaction. No doubt, communication is a big challenge.

Enabling, point taken. But again, I feel I approach this in a different way than the usual way. But this is not that. Little miracles have already occurred. It amazes me, how I have grown from all this, just by taking a different perspective.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write. It really means a lot to me. I appreciate your perspective, you've brought many things to light.