I don't consciously want to escape being in the moment. It's just that my T is very much focused on it, so it's normal for her to ask me what I'm feeling, where in my body do I feel it--exactly what you're talking about. Like when I comment about her wearing her glasses or not, in the session, she is interested on what is going on for me in that very moment of reacting to her appearance. It will get confusing because the issue is about shame, so in the moment I need to discuss shame about discussing shame! So my T agrees with you and I am learning. But often I'm not present, she says. I don't know if that's the same as not being in the moment. It's more like dissociating because it's too hard to be there. Eye contact problem. I try to look at her and be present, not "go somewhere else." I like sessions where I'm totally there with T and we feel very much connected.

Today I'm tired. Did not get enough sleep but cannot sleep during the day. Been trying all day! I feel a little unsettled because I didn't email yet, but it's manageable. I'm going to a program on grief tonight if I can stay awake.