Thank you everyone for replying. I honestly didn't think I would get really more than one reply. I'm trying not to cry because it's weird actually reading people's stories who really understand.

As for my quality of life, I really don't know how to gauge that. It feels ****** because I, for some stupid reason, can't tell any doctor (even in the emergency room) my true pain level number on a scale of 1-10. I'm terrified that since I'm so young, that all doctors look at me like I'm a drug seeker. I think part of that is because my dad always tells me I'm a drug addict because I'm prescribed benzos, which he had to go to rehab for abusing. I've never abused any of my medicine. One. You're wasting it. Two. You're taking dosage away from other days of the month. And three. Why? But like if I think my pain level is at a 8, (wow. Apparently it's hard to even admit it to you guys), I'll say a 5 or 6. I've broke down crying so many times because I can't tell my doctor this. I do wonder what it would be like if the pain didn't start at 17. If my depression/anxiety/psychosis/etc wouldn't be this bad.

But I can't shake this feeling.
I'd rather be in pain and hate my life before having surgery. That scares me really bad.

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