I hear you. I changed course mid way through this thread. My apologies.

Who knows I might be submissive? I've been dominate in the past. But no doubt I am changing.

I'm not saying I will be with this person for long. I hope to. But I am not attached to the idea.

I guess I wanted a reality check... and I got one. I'm not going crazy AND it seems everyone here agrees, it not a healthy relationship when measured by standard means. So I am in agreement with everyone on here. On the surface it seems as though I am not being treated well.

it's hard to explain, i had some epiphanies about all this in the last week.

Fear or love, is a choice. I came here in a state of fear. Fear of being used, fear of being taken for granted, fear that I am not loved. It was ripping me apart. I have been in a somewhat peaceful mode for about 3 years now. Zero drama. This woman comes into my life and I start loosing my peace. All sorts of triggers start happening and off like a race horse I went! I went right back into old stories that I thought I left behind me. And some new old stories came up too. In short I got triggered. So from the outside, it is obvious. Since this woman came into my life things have been much more rocky on all levels.

I clung onto the fact that i was ok before i met her. So it MUST be her fault right?

So I started to look for answers to pin the blame on her. In that process there were times I felt like I was reading about myself. I didn't want to brush over that part. Once I realized that I have similar challenges, compassion took over.

I don't think I am right or the folks on here are wrong. It just "is." And for now, I feel good about this. And I agree, when I came on here I didn't feel good.

All I did was to choose love over my fear. And the most amazing thing happened. I didn't care anymore. Acceptance for what is released me from all the drama. And this peacefulness came over me.

Bottom line: I am still learning and growing in this relationship. Only time will tell.

I really want to thank you for taking the time to write me. It's helped me a lot. I truly appreciate your input.