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Yes, I do relate. But it's not the worst of my problems: I have it during mania/psychosis but there isn't much "left" when stable and on meds. It doesn't interfere (much) with my functioning, generally.
I think it derived from other, underlying, problems, delusions/rationalisations, mainly delusion of grandeur (but more broadly interpreted: anything psychotic, not "psychotic", is per se inexpressible/intangible).
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
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