I just so wish I could move on. I don't understand why I'm so stuck. No one does. It just seems that no matter what I do or how others try to help I am still in this position.

I am so damn good at ruining my life. Whatever help comes my way, I just seem to throw it back.

There's a song I like, feel like it sums up my life. "Just give me one fine day of plain sailing weather, and I can **** up anything."

****ing up is my forte.

How do I change this?

I am doing everything I can to make this worse for myself. Drinking. Staying up late. Hurting myself. Shutting everyone out.

I hate being me. I hate this. And I just can't change it.