Hello. I read your post and have been thinking about what you wrote --about your expereinces and depression. I send you great grandma hugs, being aware of your pain and confusion and knowing personally , myself, how hard life really is.

I think it is good that you have opened up and told us of your life expereinces and what you feel like. It is a start. If nothing else you have gotten it out and on paper and that is good. To carry around so many feelings and despair without release and sharing with others is such an incredible burden.

I think you are tired right now and need a rest and some time to make plans and not just react to what is going on in your life. You obviously have an artist's eye and talent and maybe you just need to cut yourself some slack until you figure out what exactly you want.

Take care of yourself.

I know its trite to say, but itisi true, that all your pain and frustation can be turned to your advantage and you can grow stronger in yourself for having experienced and examined life. I feel you want to find a way out and I am hopeful that you will not give up on yourself because others have not understood you or have let you down.

Each of us basically writes his own lfie story. I wish you well in recovering from your despair and depression . There are definitly reseons for why you feel as you do, so given that, it is distinctly possible for you to move on and choose a more self-directed course.

Take care now.