Fuzzy,

I am not sure when you were in school....I sure it hasn't been as long ago as is was for me (grade school for me was in the 50's). The teachers in those days had no knowledge about working with difficult situations & students. We were just lucky if we had a teacher that cared & would be able to handle students with problems. They were either ignored or always sent to the principals office. I know that they noticed....there was no way that they couldn't notice problems, but they didn't have the education nor were the schools set up to handle or have places for children like that. Most of the time, if there were shy children, they weren't forced to to anything, but they would be pushed to see if they couldn't overcome the problem on their own (that was the thinking in those days). I remember they thought that the more you did something the better you would get at doing it....."practice makes perfect"...or something like that. For most of us....that worked.

I think it is hard for teachers or people to determine if that works since for most people it seems to be that way. I know I hated getting up in front of people & speaking. My anxiety would get so bad & would end up with larengitis. I could perform music, but hated speaking. However, over the years, the more practice I did with speaking in front of people & giving speaches, the better I got..... I did get over the anxiety. Doing things over & over that we are anxious about works for many people, but the question is how do we know who is doesn't work for....& when does the pushing stop? I know I don't push myself if I'm not comfortable with something, so if I had not been pushed, I never would have become confident enough.

How to teachers know which person they will be helping or which one they will be hurting? There aren't any perfect ground rules & wouldn't it be sad if potentials were lost because no one was pushed....or encouraged. Maybe that is the important too.....but even then, when I am not comfortable, all the encouragement in the world wouldn't have made me do anything I didn't like or feel comfortable doing.

I do think that the KEY part of pushing or encouraging someone to do something they aren't comfortable with is that they aren't put down or ridiculed for what they do.....I know the teachers who were nice about someone trying something they weren't good at & didn't say bad things.....those were the good teachers & everyone excelled in their classes....even the ones who were having problems doing things. I know that teachers like that were few & far between, but then again, so are parents who are like that.

I think the psychology of handling children is now a part of educating teachers....where is wasn't so much there in the dark ages when I grew up.....we were just lucky if we had the teachers who had the common sense to handle children the right way.

It is hard to overcome what was done to us in our childhood, but it's important for us to be able to look at where we are & what we are having problems with, & go on from here.....trying to correct things where we can & adapt the things we can't change....& live our lives the best we can with what we have to work with now & be the best person we want to be.

I understand the frustration & hope you will be able to work with it & go forward from here,
Debbie

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