Thank you for sharing this

I apologize if that sounds like sarcasm; it really isn't

There is a lot of common ground between your story and mine, except most of mine happened before you were even born. I too was in the army (Canadian Forces Primary Reserves) and gave me a little sense of purpose but, when I finished university (waste of time and money) I decided not to pursue full time

I am now in a state of ennui - I cannot even feel sad. I feel NOTHING. Intellectually I know what I should feel and can take some actions but I am unemployed, apparently unemployable, alone and in the darkest place I have ever been in my life.

And I still feel nothing

Part of me always hung on to hope. Prospect of a better tomorrow, I am a fundamentally optimistic person but the future is very clouded now. But it has been said that a person without hope is a person without fear so maybe this is my way of releasing the demons of fear that drag me down