Thank you Allheart, hugs are always welcome [emoji173]️


Never Rainbow, I would never treat them like that, so if there is one positive thing I got from all of this is how not to do therapy!
It was such a strange session. T said it was like pulling teeth seeing me, she said she gets so frustrated and I always feel her frustration. Her face was really red and she looked furious. I said I was still upset about her comments about my voice. She said I was very sensitive, she said it was about awareness. I said that was ********. I reminded her about her comment when she said my voice was whiny and she said that did I think my voice was whiny?
I said that's irrelevant and said it was like asking an ugly person do you think they are ugly? I said if I said I thought it was whiny it would be giving her the message that saying that to me is ok but it's not ok. Again she said I was being sensitive and that we had already looked at that and she felt the issue was resolved, I said well I am glad she felt that but I didn't. T asked why I was hanging onto this, why couldn't I let it go. I can't because it hurts. I hurt. I explained how it hurt more because she had said it. She didn't pick up on my strong attachment to her.

I wanted to talk about that but I think she wasn't in a space to even acknowledge that. At the end she asked how I was I said grand! She shouted well what does that mean? I said that I was fine. She said how can we work together when you shut me out. You give me nothing. I am pulling teeth. She said you shut me out and even if you said you will go away and reflect on what's happened that would be something, I said well that is more like a response you would give not me! I don't like to put words or feelings into people's mouths. She said I need to be more proactive about my life because nothing will change unless I change and I said I knew that and shouting at me wasn't helping. She never once apologised or denied it. She said that was her personality, she is very direct. I said yes, I know that and it has unfortunately been my experience of her.
T asked me a favour at end of session. I couldn't really believe it after everything went so horrible. It was quite a big favour and I wondered why she didn't ask her family. I don't mind doing it but it is a strange request and means I see her outside of session. I actually could not believe she asked me after that session. I was confused and wondering if she is attuned to me at all. I feel she is dismissive and very disrespectful at times. I have clients that frustrate me and irritate me but telling them that would hurt them and that's my issue not theirs. It's ts countertransference.
She also said she didn't understand my text. I just feel like she doesn't understand me and never will.

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