I stayed married for 29 years to a man who was married to his career. When I developed mental illness 10 years ago, he was unwilling to to learn anything about it. I basically dealt with it by myself using my therapist and psychiatrist and NAMI. I still had kids at home, in HS who watched mom unravel. Many things occurred over the last 10 years but basically my nearly thirty year marriage died a very very slow death. In the last 5 years he was gone 5 days a week to work in another state. He told me in counseling at the end, that he did that on purpose. He abandoned me. There was intimacy problems as well, not just sexual but in general. We never talked. We never argued. We were disconnected. If there had been general intimacy then the sexual issues wouldn't have been as big a deal. but what do you have when you have neither? He also was a huge cause of my anxiety issues. It was never so clear as when I finally left. My first night in my apt all I felt was peace. I have had no bipolar episodes in almost 2 years. I was having them twice yearly from 2006 on, full blown manic/mixed/depressed episodes that took months to recover from.
I know now that I should have left much sooner but just was too unhealthy, afraid and well, just not ready. I am happier than I have been in years, even my parents made that observation this past March. The hardest part of it all? My youngest son was so angry with me that he didn't talk to me for 5 months. Even then, I didn't get a hug from him for 10 months. I had to wait him out and not make any waves. He is back, he and his wife just had my first grandchild and things are so much better all around. Oh and my ex H and I are able to be in the same room together and be pleasant. We are still parents to 2 kids so that is the priority and something we agreed about, that we didn't want to be those people who couldn't be civil to one another. Not everyone will have a happy ending from divorce, I know I am not a majority. But I wanted to share my story. I wish you the best.