So much has happened the last few weeks in therapy between T and I. We were so connected but that is long gone in my eyes.

I just see T now as another one of the men in my life who has abandoned me. For weeks, I've been trying to regain our connection but its not there. I don't feel like he is there for me anymore. I did see him twice this week but felt like I had to beg for it. Opening comment tonight was 'I feel like I just saw you'...whatever and of course yesterday's famous 'Oh, you're coming back tomorrow'.

Tonight went just as badly. He made a wonderful comment referencing his lack of understanding of how I can be Italian and not like to cook. He knows this is argument #1 between me and my husband. I can sit here and make a list of the things I have going on in my life right now but why bother.

Also, he knows that this is my dad, brother and husband's number one complaint about me. He actually said 'I guess your dad would like me' or something like that...this is such a sensitive subject for me and he knows this. He really hurt me tonight and he knows that I am not doing well emotionally.

This is my fault. I've let T get too close to me emotionally. I've made myself vulnerable to him which means that I care about what he thinks about me or what he says to me.

I've also trusted him and believed that he truly cared about me and that was my very first mistake.

I am in such bad shape tonight I can barely function. How could he do this to me?

I literally have no one I can trust anymore. My father comes here in two days and I'm praying I don't wake up tomorrow.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't be posting