Quote:
Originally Posted by RomanJames2014
I was speechless. It was crazy. I had to realize what it meant for my future while examining everything from my past on the train ride home. It's a lot. In a way it's a disease that not only shapes your future like most do but it helps fill in gaps from the past.
I had always wondered why I acted and did the stuff that I didn and I had always felt very shameful and then I found out what was going on. I was speechless.
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Yes ... I still feel the same way. I have so much in my past that I regret and think "how am I still alive"? I did some very reckless and stupid things in my teens and twenties, made terrible choices and that is when my anxiety started to grab hold. But I don't think this diagnosis is an excuse for my behaviour. I have been over thinking everything trying to put my finger on "that moment" when I should have noticed something was wrong. But I can't figure it out.
It's not really sinking in ... and to be honest it's making me feel worse. I have really started to not sleep again. I've increased my daily walks and meditation but it's not helping. I CANNOT go back to were I was in December mentally.