These seem to be the exact issues I had with my ex-T.
1. My T. went from "text me anytime, I only do this with a few clients" to not returning texts even for scheduling. When I tried to discuss it, I guess I now realize I didn't believe her reasoning. I kept bringing it up because I now see it was rejection over and over. She also asked me the exact same thing - why was I holding on to the subject. I didn't even know what to say back.

2. My T. said "you put up a wall and shut people out and then they get tired and don't want to deal with it". I DON"T do this and knew immediately that's how she felt. I was shutting her out because she was constantly triggering me by her temperament.

3. My T. also told me that she can't change her temperament of being direct. She also only apologized once. When I pointed out it was the first time, she said she must not have been wrong any other time.

This is all to say that I am so glad I'm not with her anymore. She made me miserable, gaslighted me and I was no longer the strong independent woman I was. My new T. is completely the opposite (which presents it's own set of problems LOL) and I can't ever imagine having such horrible feelings with her. Your T. is slowly chipping away at you. I haven't kept up with your story but that's got to be what's happening. You should not have to constantly feel like you are defending yourself or making things right. I hope you can find someone else and wish you the best.