I don't really know how to stop this neverending circle of frustration. I really don't want to end up like Sylvia Plath with my head in the oven, but this is all just too much. My fear of schizophrenia grew so big I generally started to really believe I have it and live like I have it. I have troubles even when my frustration is mild and now it's huge and scary.

I came to this conclusion while talking to my friend who was writing different exams this year after two years of constant learning and he failed because the exams started to be extremely difficult since last year, like never.

I'm 21 and I'm already exhausted. I talk and scream in my sleep, constantly feel on edge, started developing autoimmune disease because my thyroid gets smaller and smaller and my adrenal glands are broken too.

I decided to visit a specialist in order to diagnose myself for possible dispraxia, maybe some AS traits or learning disorder: not that it's supposed to help me in any way, mostly just to feel a bit better, because Maths is not my only problem. What I have a problem with is being generally delayed in so many things since my childhood it's hard to list all of them. For that I've been bullied and that's the reason that being worse at something is like the end of the world for me.