I kinda understand. I went into a very scary psychosis in 2011 and haven't been completely the same. I haven't really gotten adequate explanations from pdocs or psych nurses. I just think after not eating or sleeping for 5 days and already being full blown manic for weeks my brain just couldn't handle it. And there was some trauma related stuff in there too.

Before that I functioned ok. I was only on an AD and a sleeping pill. But I was clearly bp, just didn't want to deal with the meds. I feel pretty stable now though just hate having to be on an ap. But every time I try and go off of them I get paranoid so...

But I can't fully answer your question about why you've went straight to paranoid thinking/psychosis. Wish I could. Take care of yourself.