um... what does 'complicated' mean? i wasn't so sure about that... does it kinda mean... 'surprising'. i mean... in the sense that they top down generate problems or whatever sometimes? 'cause if that is what complicated means... then i guess i'm pretty complicated lol. hard to figure out... i guess that would be one consequence. is that what it is about?

> A lasting relationship is a marathon, not a sprint.

yes. yeah, that is so true. one thing i've been worrying about is whether i might start having the opposite sexual issue. 'cause i've been reading stuff on hypersexuality and hyposexuality and how they tend to recurr in the same person. and how hypersexuality tends to prevail in the absense of emotional intimacy and how hyposexuality tends to prevail in the presence of emotional intimacy. and so i've been worrying that i might run hot / cold. and... i so don't want that to happen. like how i'm trying not to idealise because i don't want to devalue. and so i worried maybe i was being hypersexual (or he thought i was) and whether i might transform into the opposite as things progress :-( but... keep an eye on stuff but not let it dictate the course of things huh. don't want to create problems...

> Share your insecurities with him and keep it on your side of the street, so he knows where you're coming from but doesn't take it to be smothering.

yeah. yeah. thats what i need to do. and balance sharing my insecurites with sharing other (more uplifting) stuff. and with listening to him talk about his stuff...

> Maybe when you talk to him about the visit you could say "if you want, I could stay longer" and see how he reacts. It sounds like he's pacing himself, and thats a good quality.

yeah. i will say... 'i could come for three weeks if you like' and see whether he would like. there are little things. sometimes he will say 'i bet you are getting tired i should let you go' and i am like 'i'm not getting tired but if you need to be starting your day then i understand'. i think he is getting better at saying what he needs (because it is okay for me) rather than trying to frame what he needs as something that i need (when i don't need it). because... i think i said something before about how i could visit for three weeks and he was like 'but you don't have enough leave for that and two weeks will be plenty'. i wasn't sure if it was that he really would like me to visit for longer but was trying to be sensitive to me not being able to... or whether he really did only want me to visit for two weeks. still... i think we are getting better with sorting this kinda stuff out... if we really do get better at it with respect to when one or the other or both of us have to get off the phone... then i'll ask him again about how long he wants me to visit for and i'll tell him how long i want to visit for.

i guess.. he is complicated too lol. just freaked me out that he was talking to me about this divorce stuff. and he said 'my therapist said...' and so i'm thinking that this must really be on his mind for him to have talked to his threapist about it. started because he was talking about his cat and said something about when his cats brother was here.. and i was like 'what happened to her brother' and he was like 'divorce can be hard on the children, xxx took him'... and then started ranting about divorce. something about this weird relationship the neighbours have too... maybe it was more about that. sounds like the guy is financially going to the cleaners though mr man did say something about how the stats say that women tend to do worse off and men tend to do better off financially after divorce dispite how much guys grumble about going to the cleaners...

where the hell did all that come from?????

dunno. maybe... i need to lighten up.