About calling the recruiter -- Is this the most appropriate person to call? I am not familiar with the hierarchy of the military. Would it potentially embarrass your hub, who is already dealing with self-esteem issues.

Does the military have counseling services? They probably would be familiar with dealing with these kind of experiences. The counseling services will have an obligation to treat your inquiry with confidentiality. Even if neither of you are eligible to use the counseling services bec. of the discharge, you can probably get some phone advice about what to do.