Hello Shirts275: I would encourage you, if you have not already done so, to seek out a therapist, or a support group, with whom you can share your grief. My experience is that this sort of thing does not go away by itself. Perhaps there is a sense in which time heals all wounds, as the saying goes. But wounds, especially deep ones such as you have suffered can also fester. Allowing this sort of thing to ruminate within your mind & heart is not healthy. Certainly being here on PC can help. But there's no substitute for real life support. I wish you well...