The best way to describe it I guess.

I'm sorry I'm not supportive anymore. I feel like a drain and a pain to everyone around me. I know I'm allowed to ask for help etc etc, but I still cant convince myself of such.

Yesterday I was going deliberately out of my way to try to hurt myself. Thankfully (I guess) my one friend was there with me for a few hours. I feel really bad for making his life difficult.

So yesterday was bad thoughts and attempted bad actions.

Today it is horrid fatigue, dissociating, and being unable to do much of anything (lack of affect, pretty close anyways).

Not much to complain about.

I see the dark hole.

I am so tired. So tired of everything.

So numb. Foggy. Spacey. I'm hurt, I know I am I just cant feel it.

I cant feel anything.

I want to cry, I cant. I cant force myself to eat. My physical symptoms of stress arent making my life nice.

All I seem to do is go in circles. never getting any better. even if people say differently

and I hate it. I hate my life. Blah