Don't you think the misery after stopping might actually be a withdrawal syndrome, especially given the cold turkey stopping, rather than a relapse? I'm no expert, just have read that ignorant docs often see the patient get worse upon stopping and say -- see the drug was "working", better continue. But in reality the brain and body are trying to compensate for the absence of the drug, which produces a sort of new disease, and what's needed is a months long careful taper.

Sorry didnt mean to probe into your doctor phobia, sounds pretty serious. I have some level of phobia also, but for different reasons.