Icaredixit thanks for your detailed reply, it's a lot to take in so bear with me.

I'm interested in the with "anxious distress" specifier, that muddies the waters even more between whether my anxiety is in fact apart of a bipolar disorder or a stand alone problem. Something it seems neither of my pdocs would agree on. I can see your reasoning for mixed states leaning more toward bipolar 1 but I really never reach the altitude of bipolar 1 so I think hypomanic/depressed with mixed features, not sure which state was most dominant but probably hypomania.

Past psychoses increasing the risk of further psychosis is like the kindling effect yes? I very much believe my abuse of methamphetamine has either brought out a genetic vulnerability that would otherwise not have been expressed, or caused neuronal damage that has resulted in mood disturbance, or both. It did bring on intense states of agitation & obsession that occurs now without having used the drug for years. Infact almost all my symptoms I experience now I experienced first when using, the highs & lows. I never imagined it could be the develpment of an illness, I never sought help because I presumed it was all the drugs, but it hasn't stopped just because I've stopped.

I don't think I usually knowingly do things with great negative impact, but when dysphoric can become quite self destructive. I can identify with some borderline traits.