Just have a question. Do you want life to get better or are you happy the way things are? If you not happy with fear and wanting to scream all the time and you want the others not to be so strong tell the docs....they are there to helpyou.

I think in a way you are happy with things as they are, you are scared you won't get attention if this stops. That's kind of how BPD works, it twists your thinking into thinking that change is a bad thing, too scary. You can get to a place where life is better, but it's you who needs to make the changes no body can read your mind and if you don't share what's going on things won't change. You need to take a leap and trust the process