At this time things are going well. I am moving to an apartment closer to my family and that I can afford. I have some nerviousness until the deal is done and my furniture is moved in. But I also have a part that is furious with the good stuff that is happening. I am trying to figure out what is anger is about. Somewhere in there he believes we don't deserve to have a peaceful live. This has been something I have worked with for years. Always reminding myself that we, like anyone else, are deserving of a successful and peaceful life. That it's ok for us to be successful and be in a position of comfort and safety. But just now while thinking about my move and feeling happy about the move, I had a strong flash of rage. Thoughts of smashing things and just having a tantrum like reaction. Writing about it has calmed the feeling but he is still there. He is young and thinks we don't deserve to be happy. But we do. There is an entire life of peace and happiness in the world and we can be a part of it. He is still pretty angry right now. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. He doesn't care for my opinion and wishes he had control.