1--No, i don't think you should be scared, but that doesn't mean you won't be. I think you should try to be as honest as possible with your psychiatrist. You can start off by telling him/her that it was an awful experience; you didn't feel safe, and that you are scared to tell him that you didn't tell the doctors at the hospital because you are afraid of going back and not getting the help you need. You can start off like that, then you don't have to say what you have omitted, but maybe can get reassurance that either he/she will try and listen to you, maybe provide some alternatives? I don't know. But, it is a risk that you may be hospitalized again, depending on the threat of you hurting yourself or others. But really, i know it seems impossible, but you sound exhausted, terrified, confused...and that is no way to live.

2--I guess I answered this in the the first question. Is there only one psychiatric hospital you can go to? I think it is hard for anyone to try and treat you Eden when you hold back so much. I understand that it feels impossible, because bad things will happen, though I wish you could elaborate on that.