Can hard talk about it, even to type it out. I am ripped to the core. I cry just to type this far. I am a 66 yo woman, married 26 yrs, togethor 28 yrs. My husband and I are raising four grandchildren, 2, 12 and 10, adopted because 1 son is paranoid schizophrenic, took him a long time to stay on his meds. He lives in an assisted living home in another county from us. Their birthmom is heavily drug addicted with who made no effort to get her kids back,but is still 12 yrs later, addicted. The other 2 children are also grandbabies, 5 and 2 yrs old, who we've had since birth also.

My idiot husband had an affair. From May 2015 to Feb or March of 2016.. that's IF I can even believe him. Trust is destroyed. I am reeling. She tried to get him to leave me...and I'm pretty sure, STILL waiting for his next move. He says its over & that he never loved her. The emotional connection is my greatest pain. I don't know how much he invested emotionally and feel he is not being honest at all. SHE, otoh, expressed a desire for more and more of him.

See, my 23 yo son found a cell phone, last August, 2015... tried to tell me something was going on after reading texts. I refused to listen, but finally after a month or so, did read them too. One of those texts has her asking him if he "knows how to use a straight razor" I confronted him, quietly.. calmly and he told me then, it was over, ended in June and all they ever did was talk. He's denied remembering the part about the "{straight razo".

He gets the phone back, destroys it.

Fast forward to just two weeks ago. I find another celle phone.. with texts.. again and this time... oh, how they complimented each other on how great the sex was, how she wanted more...ect sordid outrageous crap. I can NOT wrap my mind around any of it because WE were having a regular sex life too. But he tells me now that .. he's abandoned her because he doesn't want to lose me and the children and "wants his wife back". I NEVER LEFT.

So I am now married to a stranger. We've talked a lot but get nowhere because I strongly feel he is lying about the level of his emotional investment with that woman. NO way we will be able to have sex again after this... SHE stands between us now. I only see HER and his hands and mouth on HER. I cannot get those texts out of my head..and I cannot bear to even look at him.

I am trapped, can't divorce at my age. How can I? I have goo income, that isn't the problem. Its that I have 4 grandkids I and he, are responsible for and don't know how to start over anymore. I don't want to be alone, but have lost all trust and respect for him now.

Sorry this was longer than I intended. I just didn't know where to begin or if it's even possible to get help from somewhere. I am supposed to beging an antidepressant soon.