I am 51. I wanted to die most of my life. This past 8 years I learned to want to live. Now I am afraid of dying and mourn my lost years.

One thing I will tell you about growing older. Spirit doesn't change. I still feel like I am the same person I always was. I think I will be 80 and checking out cute butts on guys.

I find my taste in men grows as I grow. While I can still appreciate a nice young stud, I find older men quite attractive too.

Of course, age isn't just about looks, but just saying - you will not loose the lion within you. In fact, his muscles will broaden, his disposition calm, yet more aware. There is much to be said about growing older.

You young fox. Your age is practically perfect for getting anyone from 18 - 80. The world is your oyster.

FYI, what you feel isn't wrong, it is how you feel. But feelings ebb and flow with time. You won't always feel like this.