Quote:
Originally Posted by artemis-within
Sending hugs DF. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I grew up feeling like I was bad and that destroyed my self-esteem and I have worked so hard in therapy to start restoring it. Awhile back I had a huge realization and it was a pivotal moment in my therapy where I realized way down deep in my soul that I am not bad. I am not bad! And I never WAS bad! I literally cried tears of joy when I said that to my t the first time. I want to find what I wrote and share it with you. Hoping I can find it. It was life-changing for me. I'm in my 50's now so I lived with that feeling like I was bad, and worthless, etc for a really really long time before my t helped me start turning my thinking around. It's hard work, I know. But your t is right. You are worthwhile. Look at how much support you provide to the rest of us here on the couch! Bad, worthless people do not support others. They try to tear others down. I have never seen you try to tear someone down here. You are always supportive of everyone, and I for one appreciate you!
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So do I DF. ART your story seems to be mine too. Every word I read resonated in my heart. This may be a trigger but I so want to share it. Just saying.
I myself am in my 50s. Don't understand the pivotal point of that age. Anyway. My mom takes great pride, even now at my age, reselling stories is how defiant, strong willed, disrespectful and basically a bad kid that I was. She usually likes to take this opportunity at holidays or gatherings where there are many people around. She loves to replay the moments that she punished me into obedience.
Case in point:
I'm 2 standing in my driveway. There is a line before you get too close to the road. She tells everybody/me that I'm not supposed to cross that line. Unfortunately, I do. She takes great pride in telling the story that she pulled a switch off the tree in the front yard and switched my leg every time I put it across the line.
In my memory, I did step across the line, I do remember the switch and also the fact that it hurt and every time I put my foot down for the hurt of the switch it was over the line. Switch again. I was caught In a no win situation with no way out. I couldn't get away from the line or the switch.
It would have been so different if she had just picked me up. Carried me away from the line in the driveway and told me that she loved me.
Just wanted to share that part of me.