Quote:
Originally Posted by TrailRunner14
So do I DF. ART your story seems to be mine too. Every word I read resonated in my heart. This may be a trigger but I so want to share it. Just saying.
I myself am in my 50s. Don't understand the pivotal point of that age. Anyway. My mom takes great pride, even now at my age, reselling stories is how defiant, strong willed, disrespectful and basically a bad kid that I was. She usually likes to take this opportunity at holidays or gatherings where there are many people around. She loves to replay the moments that she punished me into obedience.
Case in point:
I'm 2 standing in my driveway. There is a line before you get too close to the road. She tells everybody/me that I'm not supposed to cross that line. Unfortunately, I do. She takes great pride in telling the story that she pulled a switch off the tree in the front yard and switched my leg every time I put it across the line.
In my memory, I did step across the line, I do remember the switch and also the fact that it hurt and every time I put my foot down for the hurt of the switch it was over the line. Switch again. I was caught In a no win situation with no way out. I couldn't get away from the line or the switch.
It would have been so different if she had just picked me up. Carried me away from the line in the driveway and told me that she loved me.
Just wanted to share that part of me.
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Oh, TrailRunner! I wish she had. Every child deserves that love. I wish you could have had that!
By the way, am I the youngest here? Two people I now know are over 50. Not that big of a deal, but my curiosity wants to know.
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There are so many things wrong with me, and sometimes I believe there is more than what is diagnosed. I fear never healing, being left alone to crawl this heartless, cruel world. I hate myself so much, and sometimes, as much as I hate them, all I really want is a heartfelt hug. Will I ever make it through this thing called life? Or will I drown in the darkest depths of the ocean? Only time can tell. As for now, I just hide and I fear. This
is, and will always be my life.