Hi there,

I am posting in this hopes of getting some opinions (and yes, I know that no one who is not a psychiatrist can diagnose anyone, etc. I just want some opinions) on wether or not I may suffer from ASPD. This is, so far, the only forum I can find that has much to say about ASPD. I apologize in advance for the length of this post.

I am a 24 year old male. My father was stereotypically abusive. For example, he tried to strangle me to death when I was 14 (for taking a shower that delayed our departure to a store...), the standard hitting when angry across the face, etc. He was also abusive towards animals and nearly beat one of our dogs to death when I was little for rolling around in a dead animal corpse. This is in addition to shooting cats and birds and the like. He constantly verbally abused my mother and sister by calling them fat, lazy, and such. When I was a bit older (and bigger), I turned around and punched him out when he tried to hit me one day. After that, he never hit me again. However, he did try to physically abuse my younger brother several years later, but I put a stop to that. A therapist told me that he sounded like an "anti social narcissist". That about sums up my father.

Now, about myself. I have a genius level intellect. I have no drug or alcohol problems (I consider retreating to those to be rather contemptible), nor am I suicidal. I do, however, seem to lack certain emotions, to the point I feel empty or numb. I am never happy (but I am not depressed), for example. Multiple people have told me they have never seen me happy, and a few have called me a sociopath (since I act so cold). When close family members have died, I literally felt nothing. I wasn't sad at their passing. I didn't cry. I mainly wanted the funeral to hurry up and end so I could eat. And I have never even missed the people who have died. I imagine a member of my immediate family dying, even, and I simply don't care.

The one emotion I know I feel is anger. I get furious when I see someone harming an animal or a child (I would start fights in grade school when I witnessed animal abuse). But I can honestly say that I don't think I have ever experiences grief, happiness, loneliness, or fear. I do experience nervousness on occassion, but I can't remember the last time I was afraid.

I can be very arrogant, especially about my intelligence in relation to others (though I try to keep that under control). I seem to lump people into one of two categories: "interesting" and "uninteresting". The majority of people fall into the "uninteresting" category, and I do not consider them worth my time in regards to interacting with them (and I honestly could not care less what happens with them or their lives. This applies even to family members). I try to refrain from doing it, but I find it very easy to manipulate people into doing what I want.

I have problems holding jobs, typically because I get bored. There isn't a lot in the typical job that can challenge me mentally, and I generally find the people I work with to be boring. I never get fired, since I always do my job to the best of my ability, but I will look for something else that I find interesting, and leave for it. Always with two weeks notice, as I am very big on courtesy and politeness when interacting with people.

Regarding impulsive purchasing...I can be bad about that. On occasion, I will want (and have done so a few times) to move to a new city, chosen almost at random. Simply because I am bored with the current one.

When I was young, I used to have violent, detailed fantasies and dreams regarding my father, but I haven't had those in years. I have no particular desire to hurt people, and I am quite fond of animals. I even get along well with children. If I am physically attacked/threatened, however, I enjoy responding violently, and take almost sadistic pleasure in it.

I have been in a relationship for going on 2 years now, and no problems there. I can be a bit too controlling at times, but I work hard at managing it. I am unsure if I even feel love, though. I haven't ever really been around two people in love, so I am not sure what it is. I have been away for months at a time, and I don't really feel longing or loneliness.

Anyway, my two questions are: 1) Does it sound like I have ASPD? If not, any other ideas? and 2) If it does sound like ASPD, does therapy work? Or are there any treatment options that can help someone with it to experience the normal range emotions? I am growing to really hate the emptiness.

Thank you for reading.