Are days too short?
I consider buying a house in Russia or maybe Finland, and Chili or Argentina, just to have longer days. But it might be too cold in the north. If Schotland is anything to go by. Or I should maybe just sleep and stay up twice as long. Maybe that works if you get used to it. But I don't always have this problem.
Too many days, too often, I need considerable time to shake depression and become functional only to find that I could or should go on for longer, but I wouldn't be able to sleep enough hours if I did.
My mood can change daily. If it's more out of control, more or less severely changing. If it doesn't change daily than in some ways it's better but sometimes worse in this way, when more severely depressed.
But now it changes daily, not too severely but it's complicated for the aforementioned reason. I have less of a problem when just depressed, but still the problem that I spend a disproportionate amount of time becoming functional.
It can end with depression as well as start with it, but often a more or less manic and depressive period are longer than can be fit into one day.
I can't be the only one who has such problems with proportionality. At least while depressed for a longer period.
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
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