Have you tried DBT?


It helped me immensely, I now have a tiny window between emotion and reaction, which is an absolute Godsend.


I am on my second round of DBT to make that tiny window even bigger, because it has literally saved my relationship and my sanity.


I have a dual dx too (BP + BPD) my bf's calm manner used to set me off as well, now he barely triggers me and when he does, it doesn't become a whole big thing and turn into an argument.


It's just something I have to process, and sometimes he helps me to do so.


Seriously, you'll have more control and more luck working on yourself than working on him, think about it.