Boy I've been through the wringer, I first saw my ob/gyn concerning my relationship problems when I had my first child. Didn't have a primary Dr. Or go to specialist. He just wrote me prescriptions for several different antidepressants, testosterone, anxiety meds. Nothing worked. His office would not even return my call. I went to my mothers and detoxed cold turkey, and gave her a gallon Baggie full of the prescription bottles.

Then as time went on, and the same relationship problem never improved, we went to several psychologists together, and I went separately also to psychiatrists who wrote me more antidepressants, anti anxiety. Still, same problem, incompatibility. Still, no doctor gave me any diagnosis.

Then, around five years ago, my niece who was already diagnosed with ADHD, was diagnosed with BPD. That's when that label first came up.

By this time, I had become so hysterical and so frustrated from repeating the same pattern over the same relationship incompatibility problem, that in addition to crying and over dosing on anything I could get my hands on, I would punch, slap, hit myself. This made me consider that I had BPD.

I'd ask every different therapist I saw if they thought I had it, and they all said 'absolutely not'. It wasn't until going to this last psychiatrist who said that I had traits of it but he didn't want to diagnose me. Meanwhile, husband would say he thought I had it and that it what must be our problem- because he wouldn't say we were just incompatible or that he just couldn't/wouldn't perform in the manner that turned me on.

I was never a stressful, nasty person giving him reason to be so afraid of me. It is him being overly timid, unless he is drunk or I am beaten down. Thus the pattern of what I call Torture Foreplay developed.