Some people suffered too little, some too much at their hands. But they don't mean to, they are misinformed and it's unsettling. Most people fear us, that their beliefs might be wrong. That they are much like us.

Maybe I wrote this especially for people that will ignore it. But I truly love those few on the true fringes that might feel similarly conflicted.

Here goes:
It was nice to know I wasn't the only one[, knowing others were most like me, all diagnosed with BP or SZ or similar].

I didn't know what I had was a severe period of depression before that time. I just thought I changed, forgot everything and had to start my life over.

I didn't know why I ran off the tracks. I didn't know why there were periods I couldn't function at all.

But it's difficult to to get back on track when you suffered for so long and strayed from the path so far. I may start to miss suffering. My suffering. Not very consciously besides knowing I do. Not deliberately. I need some of that. But no-one or only few understand that. It's rather obvious really, though, much like withdrawal.

But while I now know how things are called and people are as gifted as I am and some suffered like I did, it hasn't really given me a better understanding. They tried to make me believe some false beliefs, like how I'm both a victim and perpetrator, the latter the part of me that isn't me, that is pathological.

But the meds are helpful. But the moment I find working alternatives I'll do everything in my power to rid us of psychiatry. To make it and show that it is, has become, useless, a waste and worse, manipulative, victimising, cruel and not completely unlike a blackmail operation. Meds are my Trojan horse.

I also find it very, very regrettable that those that need it most don't get meds and those that don't really need it do. Just because they don't trust psychiatry. Of course they don't. They are gifted enough to know they shouldn't. But we should just pretend until psychiatry no longer coerces us by such vicious means.