I'll be your pocket rider. I did something similar. I was really ill earlier this year, so much so that I lost weight, gave up smoking and drinking. I was too sick to do much. I got better and FELT better than I have for years. Then stress at work and I started smoking again. And drinking a little in the evenings. It's under control, but I've said that before..... Hugs to you and hope you get into rehab. Take care