I just posted about how long does the depression cycle last. Icare dixit your post says it as it is. I can identify with all of what you have written. It took me hospitalization to accept that I am ill and need meds for now.

At the beginning of my mania I heard the words hospital psych ward, I went through the response mode. I decided to fight the mental health service. They were wrong I was right etc. Eventually I lost was committed involuntary worst experience of my life. But it was also a wake up call, I was ill. After 5 weeks in hospital went home and stopped all treatments. I then went into a crash, what goes up must come down. I came down with a bang, but my mind was rational. I realised that I needed to sort my moods out, back to the psych, back on medication. When you do find an alternative to the psych system and meds I will be also jumping on board. If I discover an alternative I will be sure to share also.

Thank you

Annmaria