By de-activating I read that as changing our own response to triggers? Along the lines of we cannot change others behaviour, but we can change our own reactions to it.

Tish, you know the situation best of all and what you can cope with, but from what you've written above it does sound like he is trying. I know you say this is a pattern and maybe he will lapse back, but the positive thing is that it really sounds like he wants to make your relationship work.