God God God

I thought I was better. Why did I read the book of How to be miserable that recommended? I knew that reading it was causing me pain or making my OCD go nuts, but I read it again.

I use all day internet. I honestly use it from 8 to 8. Oh, now I do exercise, I work, I went yesterday to a night out with friends and played video games and talked into 2 am, but reading the part of Internet and gaming addiction and misery and I feel the anxiety coming again.

Is my mother depressed? She goes to breakfast and goes to her club and her reading session but she spent so many, many, many hours in the iPad watching soap operas and are times that she slept until 2 or 3 am and I want to cry writing this. She is going to see a therapist by the end of the month, the same one that helped her during the divorce but how could she have depression? Why her? Why? Oh god, I feel sick.

And me, I had slept or eaten and I'm on the internet and honestly, I'm never into social media. This is the only forum I visit and i do it sporadically. I read fanfics, I watch 9gag, I see porn, I read Tumblr and I collect sexy images, I download books and my therapist that there is no cure for feeling relaxed and what it works it works but this is a book recommended by the site and god

I have depression and anxiety so should I leave the internet? But what can I do? The other thing I have is reading and now that I work and study for my exam and my swimming class I got them at 8pm. I had a lot of audiobooks but isn't that the same thing? I live in the internet. I see and do everything there, is that why I still suffer so much? My OCD can't stop now.

Why, if I feel so bad, reading that damn book. Oh god, tomorrow I need to be at work at 9am and my exam is this Sunday and my mom just wants to make me feel better (she watched me cry in front of her)

I'm going to do exercise on my bike and maybe do something. Sleep well tonight. ahahafehsdfhfkjh

I think I'm going to throw up.