I feel like I'm trying to be honest with T, like we had talked about during our last session. I've been monitoring what I say because I worry about how she will see me, or if she will be overwhelmed by me. I'm trying.

I'm feeling horrible tonight. Depression has escalated severely. I'm not suicidal but needed to reach out, like she's encouraged me to do in the past.

I left a voicemail for her. She called and left a voicemail for me, basically saying that if I really thought that talking to her would help, to call at a specific time. If I couldn't do that, to go to the ER.

She's never said that to me.

I'm so sad. I could be overreacting, but now, in this moment, I needed her to be kind, even if it was just kindness over the voicemail. I feel like I was slapped in the face. She's my psychiatrist too, so I can't just quit therapy because I know I need my medications.

Sorry to bother you guys.