Hi Everyone, I’m new here. I was diagnosed with Bipolar I about 6 years ago (though this was a dx VERY late in coming) and have been stable on a cocktail of meds for about 2 years now.

Of course I’m very –very- fortunate to be stable, to have (better late than never) have received good care, and have found a combination of meds that work for me.

But lately I have been missing my hypomania’s (before they take a turn for worse/go bad) so much, I was crying telling a good friend this earlier today. And although I say ‘crying’ it was barely so, as my emotions are so reduced, so trounced by medication that it was barely a whimper despite how bad I felt.

What I want to know is for those who are, or have been through, prolonged periods of stability, how do you deal with missing the joy and the ecstasy? The last time I had a hypomanic episode (I’ve only had one manic episode, which led to psychosis) I found myself dancing around my apartment in utter ecstasy for each note of music, each feeling of placing my feet on the floor, every color, each texture so stunningly magnified… And other things too…

I miss it. I miss it, I miss it, I miss it. Despite the crushing depression that followed, despite that turn it eventually takes into paranoia and irritability and people thinking I’m crazy, the trouble I would get into… etc., etc. You know the drill…

I feel like I’ve lost a huge and important part of myself, like an appendage has just dropped off and I’m left limping along, with stunted emotions, not fully myself.

How do you deal with it? How do you resist the temptation to stop the meds? How do you find your whole self again?

Thanks…