Of course you aren't an idiot. I don't know what red flags he had. It was just s general idea of watching for them. I am the last person to know how things should be. Although I did get better in seeing things clearer but heck I am old!

I have nothing against long distance. I had long distance relationship. I didn't see a problem with long distance for you. Not at all. In fact I even thought it would be good you move there

I don't think there is any box that relationship need to fit in. I am the last person to think that. I lived with recovering ( not very successful) alcoholic for 9 years. In hopes he'd strop relapsing. And he never did. Promptly relapsed about every 3-6 months. I gave up. Couldn't do it anymore. That's certainly not something that would fit in any box. He almost died when I left, couldn't handle it and he is pretty much killing himself now. I did feel very guilty leaving as he non stop drinks for the past two years. I am friends with his kids as they understood why I left and why I refused to marry him, they also know I am getting married now. But we all watch the train wreck with their dad. It is the saddest and the most painful story of my life. I don't dwell on it but it's always there. If I knew how things are supposed to be or where relationship supposed to fit I'd never spent a decade in
hopes an addict would recover and that many years later realizing he never will. I don't regret as we had beautiful love and he loved me dearly but it's still it is a decade of my life!!!!

Overall I was an idiot most of my life when it comes to men. That's why I brought up an example. One way or the other I made a lot of mistakes . I am the last to judge. I just speak from experience.

PS talking about unavailable men I can't really give any advice as I lived with alcoholic, it doesn't get more unavailable and more red flags than that plus it took me THAT long to say enough. So there is no judgement here


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