I understand you totally and feel for the down I went thru what I considered normal ups and downs for 30 years since my teens. I was mildly medicated then. I created some of my best work then. It hit me late 40's with a slam in a face... Been thru two psychotic episodes that can be documented by psych wards.. and almost died from being pushed too many meds. I am somewhat at piece now with myself and happy It took a lot of self discovery and dedication from myself, not to mention my support group, to do this. I am now med free... I know some day may need them again. All about balance I am creative at my natural state .