Honestly, I haven't suffered from a proper major depressive episode since I stopped Lithium. That lovely drug added 90lbs to my 5'5" frame, 40lb which I finally took off this year, but between the weight gain and COMPLETE loss of sex drive, I no longer date. Complete like don't even miss it, and when my then boyfriend broke up with my apathetic *****, I was like, OK. Now I struggle with mania, and I guess paranoia and baby mixed states. Jen and I talked almost daily, live a few blocks away and do coffee and or dinner several times a week and also weekends. Multiply that by a billion if she's in between boyfriends. Which she has been on and off last year and a half.

I had sent her an I thought direct text earlier in the week saying she had hurt my feelings and her response was short. I called her, she screened me.

3 days later I texted her, she wrote back something nasty referring to the first text. We met in person, I had already resolved to end it. She brought up the text and how it made her feel. It was the her show. To me it was the me show. It was an impasse. So I said that.

And I gave her a 2 minute speech. I simply said, prepare yourself for the ick factor, I've talked about this in therapy a lot and we're looking for different types of friendships. I packed up your things in this bag, and I would like my blah blah back. Please make that happen. And she kinda of welled up and I turned and walked away.

It was cut throat. I played make nice with her, while a bag of her stuff was sitting next to me the whole time. But she literally said every. wrong. thing.

When you said leave the BP thing out, boy did she ever. I don't think that I ever got preferential treatment for that. Including coaxing me into drinking a glass of wine at night when she knows I don't like to mix it with my medicine. Toxic.