If they are so uncomfortable with the topic or behavior that they'd refer you out, it's probably for the best because they really wouldn't be able to help you. They need to be comfortable talking about it as needed.

The two I've talked about it with have both been in private practice and neither would refer me out for it.

It also depends on what disorders a T is comfortable treating. Not all can/will treat BPD, for instance, but if they do you can be pretty sure they're able to talk about s-i and suicidal feelings. I'm not sure how I could benefit if I couldn't talk honestly with my T about such things.

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